If Only Our Ceiling Could Be a Little Thicker

Dear Upstairs Neighbors,

I am writing because perhaps you are unaware of how incredibly loud your concrete-filled shoes are as you stomp around upstairs. And I am just wondering: is it really necessary to constantly run back and forth across the floor? Are you training for a marathon? If so, you must be exhausted after training for such long hours everyday, running back and forth into the wee hours of the night, only to wake up at the butt crack of dawn to continue your endless circles around your apartment. Don't you ever sleep? But how do you explain the squealing, the screaming, and the loud talking? Didn't your mother tell you about using an "inside voice"? And by the way, our bedroom is apparently directly under yours. So when your girlfriend is moaning and screaming, "Crazy! Crazy! Crazy!" as she climaxes at 2AM, I'd really appreciate it if you would just stick a sock in her mouth. Thanks for your understanding in this matter.

Sincerely,
I Wish I was Hearing Impaired