Beware: Gross Content Ahead
Last week at work two totally creepy things happened... just in time for Halloween I guess :P They were both creepy in different ways though: one was more like child molester creepy and the other was more like morbid spooky creepy. So the first thing that happened is....
I was taking care of an 83 year old African-American male who was admitted to the hospital earlier that day due to gastrointestinal bleeding (AKA, he was shitting blood). Let me paint a pretty picture for you: A person who has this problem has frequent bloody diarrhea (like they have to use the bathroom every 30 to 60 minutes as long as they are actively bleeding), and it smells like the most foul-smelling rotten piece of colon you have ever smelled in your life. As you can imagine, this problem is extremely miserable for both the patient experiencing it and the nurse taking care of the patient (and pretty much everyone else on the unit that has to smell it too.)
Whenever I take care of these patients, I try to be as kind and compassionate as I possibly can, knowing that they really don't need anyone to make their life any more miserable than it already is. I was trying especially hard in the case of this patient, who had the great misfortune of being conscious when all of this was going on (many patients that were losing as much blood as he seemed to be losing, would have been pretty much comatose). Not to mention the fact that so much of it was coming out, he was unable to control it, and just had to go in the bed every time because he wasn't quite strong enough to get up and use the bathroom.
As his nurse, for me this means having to clean his bottom and change his linens for him about every 30 minutes to an hour. If you've ever tried to clean a grown person's arse while they are lying in the midst of a bloody puddle that they have just expelled on themselves, you will know that this is a lot of work! And also quite humiliating to someone who is totally awake, alert, and with the program.
At least I thought he was totally with the program. By around midnight, I had just finished helping him get cleaned up for the seventh time that night. As you can imagine, that is quite a lot of old man butt whiping and genitalia cleaning (when you're sitting in it, it pretty much gets in every nook and cranny possible). All of a sudden he starts talking about how nice I've been to him and how gentle my touch was. I said something like, "Well I just hope you start feeling better soon," and I leaned over him to listen to his heart and lungs for a quick mid-shift assessment. He took my hand in his as I leaned over him, listening for any changes. I didn't think much of it at the time, just that he wasn't feeling good and needed a hand to hold.
Before I knew what was happening, he said, "Would you be offended if I did this?" at the exact same time that he put his other hand on my breast! I must have jumped back from the bed at least five feet, absolutely steaming with shock and anger. In the sternest voice I could muster, I stated affirmatively, "Yes, I absolutely am offended! You have no right to touch me there, and I swear to god, you better not ever, EVER try anything like that again!" I'm pretty sure he could tell I was pissed.
I mean seriously, what the hell was he thinking? He's 56 years older than me, and I've just cleaned up his shitty bloody ass repeatedly!
He then said, "I'm sorry, it's just been so long since I've been touched by a woman." Oh, and that makes up for it?? He kept apologizing like fifty more times, "Please forgive me" blah blah blah. I simply said, "Don't ever do that again, and I don't want to talk about it anymore," and promptly left the room.
My work for the night was not yet done though. Before that ever happened, I had been trying to decide whether or not I needed to put a catheter in him, so that we could watch his urine output. Well let's just say that after that little episode, I decided that he definitely was going to need one. But hell if I was going back near that man's genitals! So I got one of my male coworkers to do it for me. It's all about teamwork in my field.
I believe in karma. You molest the nurse, you get a tube rammed up your dick!
Creepy story #2 to follow soon...Bwahahahahaha!
I was taking care of an 83 year old African-American male who was admitted to the hospital earlier that day due to gastrointestinal bleeding (AKA, he was shitting blood). Let me paint a pretty picture for you: A person who has this problem has frequent bloody diarrhea (like they have to use the bathroom every 30 to 60 minutes as long as they are actively bleeding), and it smells like the most foul-smelling rotten piece of colon you have ever smelled in your life. As you can imagine, this problem is extremely miserable for both the patient experiencing it and the nurse taking care of the patient (and pretty much everyone else on the unit that has to smell it too.)
Whenever I take care of these patients, I try to be as kind and compassionate as I possibly can, knowing that they really don't need anyone to make their life any more miserable than it already is. I was trying especially hard in the case of this patient, who had the great misfortune of being conscious when all of this was going on (many patients that were losing as much blood as he seemed to be losing, would have been pretty much comatose). Not to mention the fact that so much of it was coming out, he was unable to control it, and just had to go in the bed every time because he wasn't quite strong enough to get up and use the bathroom.
As his nurse, for me this means having to clean his bottom and change his linens for him about every 30 minutes to an hour. If you've ever tried to clean a grown person's arse while they are lying in the midst of a bloody puddle that they have just expelled on themselves, you will know that this is a lot of work! And also quite humiliating to someone who is totally awake, alert, and with the program.
At least I thought he was totally with the program. By around midnight, I had just finished helping him get cleaned up for the seventh time that night. As you can imagine, that is quite a lot of old man butt whiping and genitalia cleaning (when you're sitting in it, it pretty much gets in every nook and cranny possible). All of a sudden he starts talking about how nice I've been to him and how gentle my touch was. I said something like, "Well I just hope you start feeling better soon," and I leaned over him to listen to his heart and lungs for a quick mid-shift assessment. He took my hand in his as I leaned over him, listening for any changes. I didn't think much of it at the time, just that he wasn't feeling good and needed a hand to hold.
Before I knew what was happening, he said, "Would you be offended if I did this?" at the exact same time that he put his other hand on my breast! I must have jumped back from the bed at least five feet, absolutely steaming with shock and anger. In the sternest voice I could muster, I stated affirmatively, "Yes, I absolutely am offended! You have no right to touch me there, and I swear to god, you better not ever, EVER try anything like that again!" I'm pretty sure he could tell I was pissed.
I mean seriously, what the hell was he thinking? He's 56 years older than me, and I've just cleaned up his shitty bloody ass repeatedly!
He then said, "I'm sorry, it's just been so long since I've been touched by a woman." Oh, and that makes up for it?? He kept apologizing like fifty more times, "Please forgive me" blah blah blah. I simply said, "Don't ever do that again, and I don't want to talk about it anymore," and promptly left the room.
My work for the night was not yet done though. Before that ever happened, I had been trying to decide whether or not I needed to put a catheter in him, so that we could watch his urine output. Well let's just say that after that little episode, I decided that he definitely was going to need one. But hell if I was going back near that man's genitals! So I got one of my male coworkers to do it for me. It's all about teamwork in my field.
I believe in karma. You molest the nurse, you get a tube rammed up your dick!
Creepy story #2 to follow soon...Bwahahahahaha!
posted by Bean at
11:02 AM
3 Comments:
Touch Bean's breasts = plastic tube in cock. Duly noted.
By
Russell, At
10/31/07, 12:13 AM
Oh my, that sounds horrible and hysterical at the same time.
By
georgiagirl, At
10/31/07, 8:51 AM
Oh my god and OH MY GOD. Nuff said.
By
Oob, At
11/9/07, 12:37 PM
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