Just a Few Random Thoughts

There's a lot spinning around in my head tonight....

• This time of year is always crazy for me. It's just what happens when you have two families that live in different states, and you try to give everyone equal holiday time. Plus, I am the ultimate procrastinator. I started my Christmas shopping yesterday. Two presents down, only ten more people to buy for, and nine shopping days left. But it's OK because not only am I the ultimate procrastinator, but I am also the ultimate marathon shopper!
• Last year, I remember dreading the holiday season. It's just too stressful, running around shopping at the last minute, traveling, and trying to make sure you visit all of your family. But I'm actually really looking forward to Christmas this year. I think a huge part of that is due to the fact that for the first time in five years of being a nurse, I don't have to work Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. I got way lucky this year and I'm totally going to enjoy it!
• I miss my mom. I can't remember a time when I've missed my mom and my two little sisters more than I do right now. I haven't seen them at all since last December. And even then, it was only for two days. I just can't wait to give them all big hugs.
• I've been very emotional the past two weeks. I think a big part of that is probably because I'm pretty stressed out right now. This whole house hunting thing, on top of the regular holiday season stress, has made me into a bit of a nutcase recently. I think I've cried three times in the past two weeks.
  
• On top of being stressed out, I am also grieving for a patient of mine who recently passed away. I only knew her for a few weeks, or maybe a month, but she and her husband quickly became very near and dear to me. Although being born with a terminal illness, she had an amazing outlook on life, which made a lasting impression on me. I'm not sure I've ever allowed myself to make such a deep connection with one of my patients, especially with one that has ended up dying, so I've not really been sure how to deal with it. I've just been letting it out little by little so far. It's weird, but even though I've seen plenty of people pass away, I don't have much personal experience dealing with losing someone who I have really cared about.
  
• The house hunting has pretty much come to a bit of a grinding halt because Christmas seems to be approaching at mach speed, and our realtor just has too much on her plate right now (and so do we). But I think at this point, we've pretty much realized that what we want, where we want it, and the amount of money available to us to get it is an equation that just doesn't have an answer. I'm still not feeling very hopeful about the whole situation in general. In short, the initial slap in the face has pretty much become a full body beatdown.
• I do have good news though. I've accepted a day shift contract at Piedmont, that I will start next January. I really hope that this opportunity is exactly what I need to help me have more energy to focus on things like budgeting, house hunting, getting requirements filled to return to school, eating better, exercising, and doing things that really make me happy (like maybe taking a dance class or some music lessons).
• After this Tuesday night (my last night of work on my current contract), I am looking forward to having the next few weeks off, so that I can sit back and relax with my friends and family and really enjoy Christmas this year. Then I'll party down on New Year's, ski my ass off (my skinny jeans are getting quite lonely) in Colorado for a week, and hopefully some of this other stuff I'm worried about will somehow work itself out.
  

Reality Check

So I may have mentioned before that my favie and I are in the market for a house. As first time home buyers, we know next to nothing about this process. It's been quite a learning experience so far...to say the least. With preapprovals from two different mortgage lenders and one day of official house hunting with our real estate agent behind us, here's what we've figured out so far:

• Shopping around for different mortgage deals is a good idea. It helps if you happen to know someone in the business and/or have a good recommendation of a lender to go to. We've gotten two different lenders to preapprove us so far, and we know of two other ones that we'll probably also check out.
• Never underestimate the amount of money you will have to have as a down payment and for closing costs. Of course, all we have are estimates right now, so maybe we, (actually I), shouldn't get my panties in too big of a wad just yet. I'm just really hoping that we can convince the seller to pay for closing costs, because the number they gave us on the estimate was like an ice cold slap in the face.
• The intown housing market in Atlanta is extremely hit or miss. The houses we have found so far that are in our price range are either old and need at least some work, or new and in the ghetto.
• Question: Why the hell would you build a nice, new beautiful house in the ghetto or put a bunch of money into a beautiful renovation that is in a neighborhood where all the other houses have cars parked in the grass and there are drug deals going on across the street? Answer: To tease innocent people like me into getting excited about a really nice house that is in my price range, only to have my hopes come crashing down when we pull up in the driveway and the garage is tagged with "Fuk da Fam." Yeah, that wasn't in the pictures.
• After our experience house hunting on Monday, we've basically realized that if we really want to live ITP, and not in the ghetto, we're just going to have to sacrifice some of the amenities that a suburban house will have (i.e. fireplace, 2 car garage, nice master suite with a big bathroom and a double sink vanity, etc)
• The real estate agent we have is smart, and she knows what she's talking about, even if I don't want to listen. She has already been right about a lot of things. (One of them being that I will feel extremely disappointed after our first day of house shopping and probably cry.)

And I do admit that I pretty much fought back tears with every ounce of stubborness I could muster as we were driving home, because I didn't want her to be right. But once in the safety of our apartment, I just let it all out. Right now, I don't have a whole lot of hope that we will find our perfect dream house for our first home, but I think I kind of already knew that. I was just trying to ignore that nagging little feeling in the back of my mind. But I do feel encouraged that this process will teach me a lot about what my priorities are and what I can and can't live without. Wish us luck as the saga continues...