Something More Juicy

So the other day I was doing a bit of looking back on my life, and I realized that if my highschool class has a ten year reunion, it will be next year. It's hard to believe that it has almost been ten years since I graduated from highschool. It's amazing how all of a sudden you can stop for a minute, realizing how quickly time has passed.

What I think is even more amazing is how much I have changed since highschool. (Luckily, I haven't changed too much on the outside.) When I was in my early teen years at the beginning of highschool, I was pretty shy, quiet, and awkward. I was a total mess in social situations, especially when I was trying to impress someone. I never seemed to fair well in group situations, because by the time I would think of something witty or funny to say, the moment would have already passed. I think most of the time, I was just kind of in the background.

I only had a few close friends in highschool. I knew all the popular kids, and they knew me, but I was never invited to hang out with them. I was always someone that knew people from all the different groups, but I never really had one group that I hung out with consistently. I was constantly trying to dress and act like the "cool" kids, hoping that I would get invited to hang out, but it never really happened. It was odd though, because I never really got invited to hang out with the "dorks" either. In case you can't tell, my highschool was extremely cliquey. Regardless, it's never a good feeling, when it seems like everyone else belongs somewhere, except for you.

As far as dating, I got asked out by some of the weirdest guys. They were either total dorks that were even more socially awkward than myself, or they were in the "rough" crowd, meaning they did drugs or had been in trouble with the law. Nonetheless, I was hopelessly desperate to find a boyfriend at that time, so I'm pretty sure I gave everyone that asked me out at least one chance. There was one guy that was actually somewhat normal, that I ended up dating for four months. He was a little bit on the dorky side, but he made me laugh and he showed me what it felt like to be treated like a lady. Of course, then I sabotaged the whole thing when I dumped him, hoping to get a date with the hotter, older pool manager where I was lifeguarding. Yeah, that never worked out. He's the only person that I've ever regretted breaking up with.

Anyway, highschool pretty much sucked. I'm pretty sure it sucks for most people. Probably the only people that it didn't suck for are the ones that I spent the whole time trying to be like. When I think about it now, it seems so stupid. They made fun of everyone who was not as "cool" as them, but I still wanted to be like them. Why did I want to be friends with people who made me feel so stupid, unconfident, and inconsequential? It doesn't make a lot of sense.

I guess I just didn't know any better. When I got to college, an amazing thing happened: I finally felt like people actually cared if I existed. I made tons of close friends. I had my own little group of friends that I hung out with constantly and had some of the best times of my life with. All kinds of guys were attracted to me, and they didn't care what group I hung out with in highschool. And most importantly, one of the most popular girls in my class got a big fat beer gut. I never said anything mean to her when I saw her around campus, but just laughed quietly to myself.

I think the thing that sucks the most about highschool is that you don't figure out that highschool doesn't matter until it's already over. Of course, I'm glad that I'm now comfortable and secure enough with myself to know that people who make me feel bad about myself are not worth my time. And luckily, now that highschool is over, "it," as in life in general, has only been getting better since then. I have no idea if I have any desire to attend my ten year highschool reunion. Part of me wants to go back in some hot little outfit and make everyone jealous. Part of me doesn't care if I ever see those people again.